This is a letter that I wrote to VG on 3/2/99, two days after she was born…
I left the hospital this afternoon. I felt I needed to leave before you and your mom and dad did. I just felt that I was prolonging the inevitable by staying. It was the hardest goodbye I have ever said. I pracically drenched you in tears and and gave you to your mom. I didn’t want to let her go, I have grown attached to her and your dad. I went to my room to finish getting my stuff together and your dad came in, we hugged and I didn’t want to let him go either. You are lucky to have a father that shows his emotions, not always freely, but when he does it is honest and genuine and touches your heart deeply. I left the hospital rather quickly but I felt I had to. I had a real tough day. My parents didn’t know what to say or do, but both agree that I made a good choice in choosing your parents and everyone thought you were beautiful. Tonight I have cried until my head hurts. I fear that you’ll never want to know us and that you would dislike me for the decision I’ve made. But I realize that you are your own person and you will do what is right for you. Just please know that I love you dearly.
Love Always,
Katherine A.
15 years later this is what I want to say…
Hello! I love you and I have always loved you and always will. That is the most important thing you can know. The second most important is that I am sorry, so very sorry that I took away any chance for you to have a life with us. This was not fair, not to you and not to my family. There is a huge hole in our hearts that is there because of a choice I felt I HAD to make all those years ago. Your mom and dad are wonderful people so please never mistake anything that I say as a slight towards them. They were there for me and supported me. They just wanted a baby to love and complete their family. I can see in the photos I have of you that they have done a wonderful job of providing all that you need. You seem happy and I pray that you are.
I hope that your mom and dad have told you about our side of the family. You have siblings that are eager to know you. Your oldest sister, JE, will be 21 in August. We have a trip to the beach planned to make a big deal of it. She works full time and is a student – changing her major back to being a Vet Tech. She has 2 dogs that she adores (we call her Dr. Doolittle because of her natural way with all animals…except for squirrels). Your sister DC just finished her sophmore year in High School and she is SO incredibly smart. Both of your sisters are absolutely gorgeous (as are you) and both are taller that I am! DC has my mothers long legs which helps her in both volleyball (which we know you play and in one picture you and DC look like twins) and softball. Her coach feels she is a natural at sofball! Your step-sister, BM, is so excited to be starting middle shchool this year. I think more because she can wear flip flps every day than anything else, but she is a character. Some our funniest moments and happiest times are when we are all together.
I cannot make you feel anything you do not want to and nor would I have it that way. I do not ever want to be responsible for taking another choice away from you. I want you to know that nothing you can do will change how I or our family feel about you. We all long for a future with you in it, if you so choose but until that time comes just know that we love you from way up high in the sky to way deep, deep, deep down in the ocean and back again!
Love Always,
Your Mother
andyoumakethree 